(This blog was written at one of my weakest moments in my solitude. When I was hating myself, when I tried to put up an image which doesn’t actually go around with me..This shall be the disclaimer for the facts written in this blog)

Traditionally, the first mess table in Jam mess is occupied by the final years. And a few third years also used to occupy this table if there are some free seats. But this tradition was blown away last year when the then seniors where not strict enough in enforcing this so called “law”, partly due to the soft corner a few seniors had towards the fellow third yearites.

But this year, I feel things have changed. The first and second table is totally occupied by the third yearites. If I really want to sit with my year mate, I have to go as back as the third or fourth table. Of course there is nothing morally or ethically wrong with this, but it leaves a feeling in the heart of me, am I really not enforcing “my seniority” third yearites? It’s hurting my ego… After all, I am one of the senior most guys in the hostel right?

As a result, last week, I took pains and sat on the first table (You know, it’s really a fight to sit there, I see people queuing up for the seats). And around me were the usual first table occupiers, especially the office bearers of our hostel. I think none of them have sat on the second or third table this semester. Just when I was about to start, my ear drum was shattered by the shout of our honorable secretary. I just looked at his face; he was trying to convey something to his friend sitting opposite to him. I was really amazed about his yelling skills. Really man, I never thought this guy could speak that loud, I mean he is a timid guy, who I thought was the kind of very reserved and taciturn kind of guy. I have never seen him coming to forefront last year. Man, can people change like that?? Surely, the secretary post has really given him some kind of authority. That’s great, I thought!

I thought this guy will settle after that. But that didn’t happen. He continued his high volume discussion which can be heard at the last table in the mess. Later on he started talking to the guy sitting next to me. I was totally at sea with these conversations as they were speaking in some foreign language (German I suppose!!). I felt as an outsider in the whole group. I am not able to make the head and tail out of their conversations. I looked around, is there any 4th year guy sitting in group. I realized I am the lone wolf in the group. I got up from the table with agony and moved to the next table for eternal beatitude.

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